The Only Thing Better Than Earnings Season?

Lawsuit Season!

Merrill Lynching [International Herald Tribune]

Is it bad that Merrill has to dish out all its bonuses and then shoot off some more locks to pay off these lawsuits? EBITDA will now be referred to as EBITDAL* - earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, amortization, and lawsuits.


*kind of sounds like a prescription drug that one could easily get addicted to, no?

I'll Take "Companies That End in oyota for $500 Please"

Detroit wants to talk labor. Good idea, because without workers, you can't tackle the real issue: companies ending in oyota.

In other news, Starbucks will be jacking up its prices for the second time in less than a year. The announcement comes after 'bucks CFO warned it would be hard for the company to meet its projected forecast. The price increase will not affect consumers as they will be to engorged in their iPhones, BlackBerries, and iBooks to give a shit. My recommendation: Starbucks should continue to jack up it's prices a few cents at a time, US Postal Service Style.

Hold Starbucks, but buy caramel frapuccinos.

It's up to you New York, New York

The Yankees faced the Kansas City Royals Monday night. While arguably one of the worst teams in baseball at the moment, Kansas City managed series victories against Boston and Detroit, the two teams with the best records in the league.

On Monday night, every Yankees starter recorded a hit in their 9-2 win over the Royals. New York's third quarter earnings have consistently outperformed the market with help from strong defense and a surge in offensive performance. Roger Clemens recorded his 351st career win Monday night, 100 more than the combined career total of Kansas City's pitchers. As always, contributing to Clemen's win was A-Rod. After coming off far better than expected first and second quarters, Rodriguez is now in possesion of a c-note of RBI's. And he's not done yet. Ticketholders can expect Rodriguez's 500th career homerun in the coming weeks, which will be sure to boost team earnings in New York's upcoming stretch against sub-.500 teams.

Hold the Red Sox as they have consistently met predicted earnings, however, it is clear that they will soon be feeling heat from New York.

As always, buy all things New York. At 7.5 games behind Boston and 5.5 behind in the wildcard, the Yankees are on pace to post better than expected returns in the upcoming quarter. Additionally, maintain Chien-Ming Wang at a buy as he works to improve his 10-5 record tonight against Kansas City.