[V]icarus

[V]icarus was famous for his death from falling into the [V]icarian Sea when he flew too close to the sun, melting the wax holding his artificial wings together. Another account of [V]icarus' plight depicts the young God in his indictment by a federal grand jury for "conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and to sponsor a dog in animal fighting venture"

In the 2006 NFL season, Michael Vick threw for 20 touchdowns and 2,474 yards with the Atlanta Falcons. He ran for a spectacular 1,039 yards while averaging 8.4 yards per carry. Curiously missing from his NFL.com stats are his dog-fighting numbers (wins-losses-dogs slaughtered-dogs buried in back yard).

After being stopped by airport security a few seasons ago for possession of a seemingly marijuana-laced water bottle, I downgraded Vick to a hold rating.

After Vick's recent indictment, I have further downgraded Vick to a strong sell recommendation. In fact, the downgrade to a sell is the understatement of the century. Every extra word of mine that you read is valuable time that should be spent selling the shit out of any and all Michael Vick stock you are in possession of.


Other notable figures who have recently been downgraded to sell include:
-Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy
-Barry Bonds
-Garry Sheffield
-Kenny Lofton

Not So Fine Print

The following material has been prepared solely for my own amusement. It is not an offer, or solicitation of an offer, to buy or sell any security, financial instrument, human being, hooker, happy ending, or inanimate object.

It is based on information from sources believed to be completely unreliable. No representation is made that it is remotely accurate or complete.

Securities transactions involve numerous risks. In certain transactions, you could lose your shirt, pants, significant other, virginity, or incur unlimited loss. You should understand and discuss with your professional tax, legal, accounting, and other advisor(s) as you deem appropriate, how a transaction may make everyone you know lose all respect for you.